Last time I blogged, I thought I knew where my life was headed. We were selling our glass business and starting a smaller scale repair business that would tie into green janie and allow me to focus more on art and other green endeavors. I was so ready for that change.
Well, things changed alright, but not in the way I expected.
We did not sell the business. My husband needed to retire for his health so I had only one choice - to step in and take over running the business full time. That is when the art work, the writing and research all came to an abrupt halt. That was nearly 3 1/2 years ago!
I never saw myself in this role. Sometimes I love it , sometimes not. But I do it day in and day out. It is not easy. I have help in various ways from great, smart people. We are making it work. You do what you have to do for your family. Plain and simple.
I spent a lot of time thinking it was temporary. We'll figure something out. My partner will someday be able to buy us out. This isn't who I am. I'm a mother, part time sales rep, artist, writer, speaker. This thing is just for now. That way of thinking changed somewhere along the way.
I started to think of myself as someone who used to be and artist use to write a column .( Like I use to be a bartender and a waitress). I felt like I was letting go of that side of myself. And that sucked.
Something so sad happens to a creative person who doesn't create. You start to wither on the vine. I had always written but I stopped for the most part. When I discovered my artistic side, it was like therapy. I missed it but could not begin to find time for it.
Life had gotten really hard. It is too much to go into now, but believe me, it was so overwhelming that I shut down and went into survival mode. I don't say that to elicit pity. Life is a lot harder for many people. It just marks where it all started to come undone for me.
I stopped doing so many things - stopped listening to music, stopped exercising regularly, shut out family and friend, stopped going anywhere and doing anything besides what was absolutely necessary.
Then that changed too. After the death of a young friend; a death that impacted so many people I care about, I knew I needed to change.
So I'm working on that. And it is coming along (more on that later). Maybe that is what this blog will be - a creative outlet and insight into what, if anything, I am figuring out.
The name of the blog had to change too, since my green endeavors have taken a back seat to everything else.
I'm calling it "Jane Says" not that anyone needs to care or listen to what I say. It's just a great old song a college roommates use to sing to me in another life. Call it a midlife crisis - but I'm trying to put a little of that old life back into this one.
And I'm not pretending this blog is anything else besides just stuff I say - take it or leave it.